


If leaving meant leaving me, I wouldn't have let you do it.

by ambientbliss



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Always Female Stiles Stilinski, Assumed Suicide, Depressed!Derek, Depression, F/M, Gen, Hunters suck, Hurt!Stiles, Kidnapping, Mates?, Stiles Leaves, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-06 23:32:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8773816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambientbliss/pseuds/ambientbliss
Summary: After a series of events, Derek finds something he never thought he would find in Stiles's room. Will he be able to pick up the pieces before he falls apart?
Unbeta'd.





	1. The Decision.

She stood in front of the mirror in her room. Looking over herself. She was a mess, literally. Her long dark hair knotted in her ponytail, her shirt torn and blood soaked. This time it wasn’t someone else’s blood. It was hers. She couldn’t completely pinpoint exactly where the blood came from, not when her nose had been bleeding, evidence dried on her lip. She knew her eye would bruise. The cut in her hairline was no longer bleeding, but her dark blue shirt was now growing darker. 

 

Gritting her teeth, she pulled up the hem of her shirt and dropped it near the hamper. Her torso was going to be bruised, she could see the dark marks starting to grow across her thin waist and taper down her hips. She didn’t have to remove her pants to know her knees were scraped and would bruise. 

 

What caught her breath in her throat was her left arm. The shoulder was dislocated, she could tell by the fact that she could barely feel her fingers. The blood that was starting to drip down her arm was coming from a cut that stretched from the curve of her shoulder to the top half of her bicep. Observing her condition, her left arm looked the worst. She needed a doctor, but there was no way she could go to the hospital. 

 

Fishing her phone from her pocket, she snapped a few pictures of her injuries. After wrestling herself into a new tank top while trying not to scream, she called her father.

 

“Dad…”

 

“Stiles? Hey. I am about to leave the station.”

 

“I… remember how we talked about me getting away for a while?”

 

“Yes, what happened?” She could hear the concern through the phone.

 

“I just… can we uhm…” she was biting back tears. “Can we follow through with that? Like now?”

 

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. Stiles was about to say something when her father finally spoke.

 

“I will make the arrangements. I am guessing tonight?”

 

“Please…” 

 

“Okay, Stiles. It’s okay.” 

 

Her father’s reassuring voice helped ease the shaky hands. 

 

“I have to do something, then I will be home, we can get dinner.” She heard her father agree, and then they disconnected. 

 

Stiles got into her Jeep without screaming at the movement, and drove to the vet clinic. As she stumbled into the office, she could hear Deaton in the back. 

 

“Ms. Stilinski.” Deaton remained ever stoic as he stood, taking in Stiles’s appearance. “You know I am a vet, not a doctor.”

 

“I get it. I just… I needed someone to put my shoulder back in and see if this needs stitches.” Stiles nodded to her shoulder. 

 

Deaton motioned to the exam table, and helped Stiles sit. To her surprise she didn’t scream as her shoulder crunched into place. Deaton made quick work of cleaning her up, and putting bandages were they were needed. 

 

“You won’t need stitches, just butterfly bandages. It will scar I am afraid.” He sounded genuinely sorry about that. Stiles just couldn’t figure out why. “I can make you an ointment, it will speed the healing, but unfortunately the scar will not go away.” 

 

“Thanks.” She was silent for a moment thinking of how to ask her next question. “How do I mask my scent?”

 

++++

 

4 hours earlier.

 

Stiles sat in the loft, she hadn’t been listening for a while. It has been this way for a few months. After everyone was sure that the nogitsune was gone, they were still tip toeing around. Scott didn’t treat her the same, not after that thing killed Allison. To be fair she wouldn’t have treated herself the same way either, not after that. They always said it wasn’t her fault, but it was. She was the weak link. Easy to possess apparently. 

 

“Stiles!” A voice broke her from the stream of thoughts. She looked up finding the voice coming from Jackson. Who came back not to long ago. “What in the hell do you even do here? Why are you even here? You don’t listen you just sit there and stare off into space, then get in the way all the time.” 

 

Stiles looked around at the rest of the people in the room, and no one was looking at her but Derek. She wanted to fight back, she really did, but she just couldn’t. There was no fight left in her. Without a second thought, she stood. Only making eye contact with Derek who seemed to be confused. 

 

“I get it. It isn’t like you haven’t told me a million different ways. I get it.” The realization was thick in her throat. She had known she wasn’t fully pack, she couldn’t be not as a human. But here it was, practically spelled out to her. Before she could cry, Stiles was out the door and in her Jeep leaving the loft. 

 

No one had came after her, and it didn’t surprise her. It hurt knowing that Scott didn’t even try, but she wasn’t wanted. Stiles pulled into the parking lot of a convenient store when a black SUV pulled up behind her. Before she could even try to get back in the Jeep her head was slammed into the hood and everything went dark.

 

When Stiles came to, she was laying on a cold concrete floor. “Sonofabitch” her voice echoes. It was dark in the room, but she could tell she was on the floor, in a basement. It was just like when Gerard took her from the lacrosse game. Everything hurt, especially her shoulder. She couldn’t move her arm without wanting to scream, her knees hurt from where she knew they hit the floor.

 

Then the lights flicked on. Two men walked down the stairs. The way they walked, and held themselves spelled hunter. “What a way to treat a guest.” Her mouth would be the death of her.

 

“Ah, we have a talker. At least this should be easy then.” The thinner of the two men crouched in front of her. “You sure are a pretty little thing.” Stiles scoffed at that. 

 

“What, did you kidnap me to have your way with me?” The snark in Stiles’s voice was strong. 

 

The man laughed. “Oh Stiles. No, that is not my style. No pun intended. We just needed someone to send a message.” 

 

Stiles’s heart clenched. They had just told her she wasn’t pack, and now here she is once again in a hunter’s basement going to be beaten until she gives up information, or effectively becomes bate. “I’m not telling you anything.” 

 

The other hunter pulled Stiles to her feet by her ponytail. Holding her there, twisting her arm behind her back. 

 

“Now Stiles, this might hurt a bit.” 

 

It felt like hours, and judging by the darkening sky, it had been at least two. She had been punched, kicked, tossed around, and now something was digging into her shoulder. The hunter, who called himself Leo, had a grip on Stiles’s jaw, forcing her to look at him. 

 

“I’m. Not. Pack.” Stiles stuttered through her teeth. Leo cocked his head to the side, giving her a once over.   
“I could make an exception, if you would like.” His lips pressed to hers. Stiles gasped at the contact allowing Leo the chance to slip his tongue into her mouth. She bit down, catching his lip. “Fuck.” Leo growled out. “Get rid of her. They will get the message.”

 

Stiles was deposited near her Jeep. How she managed to get taken and dropped back off in worse condition without anybody knowing, was beyond her but she had to get home.

 

++++

 

Stiles left Deaton’s office bandaged up, and holding a bag with what she suspected to be magic ointment and the means to mask her scent from the pack. Deaton would eventually tell the pack, she was sure of that. He wouldn’t know where she was going, but he knew she was leaving.

 

Her father hadn’t been home yet, so Stiles took the time to clean herself up and pack up some of the things she would need, and get it ready to leave. The sound of tires on the gravel of the driveway caught her attention. When she made it down the stairs, there was a tow truck in the driveway.

 

“Dad?” She called from the door. “What are you doing to my Jeep?”

 

“The plan is a little different.” The Sheriff tossed Stiles a pair of keys as she watched her precious Roscoe get towed away. 

 

She stared at the keys in her hand. The Jeep logo on them, but they were new. Brand new. With wide eyes she looked at her father, who was watching for her reaction. 

 

“How?”

 

“The office pooled together. They wanted to get you something for graduation, and hated seeing you driving around that Jeep, and seeing it broken down on the side of the road. So here is your new Jeep.” 

 

Her eyes bulged, unable to move from her father.

 

“Unfortunately, the car is not here. It is waiting for you.”

 

“Dad.” She rushed to hug him, with one arm. Her left secured in a sling.

 

“Whoa, kiddo.” he pulled her back a little. “What happened to you?” 

 

“It wasn’t the Pack. I promise. It was a hunter. They wanted to leave the pack a message, but they didn’t understand that the pack isn’t going to get it. “

 

“Is this why you want to go?”

 

“No.” Stiles sighed. “I just… I think you are right. I need time.”

 

The Sheriff nodded and gently pulled her into a hug. “Do I smell fries?”

 

Stiles laughed, even though it hurt. “Just this once. I expect you to keep to your diet. I will be back… and I will know.” she leveled her stare.

 

They both shared a laugh as they took their seats at the table, enjoying a last meal together for a while. Stiles went over her process, how this was going to work. Her father was pleasantly surprised at how much Stiles put into this. Even though missing his daughter was going to be hard.

 

Everything went by in a flash. Stiles was standing at the gate with her father waiting to board the plane. They had managed to get to the airport without having any pack on their trail or try to stop them, and that wasn’t entirely surprising to Stiles.

 

“Now boarding, b-c.” The voice dropped from the intercom. 

 

Stiles hugged her dad a little harder than she probably should have, and boarded the plane.


	2. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek knows something is wrong and when he finds out it might just kill him.

Something was wrong, Derek knew that. Stiles had smelled wrong for days, but he never said anything. The incident at the loft was enough to set him in motion. After the pack left, Derek headed for the Stilinski house. He needed answers. 

 

When he found Stiles’s Jeep missing from the driveway, he figured she would be at the station with the Sheriff. He could wait. Upon opening the door his senses were quite frankly attacked by the scent of blood, panic, pain, and depression all tinged with the scent of Stiles. For the first time since Stiles collapsed in the school from the nogitsune, Derek’s heart felt like it was going to burst from his chest. The pack would fall apart without her. 

 

“Fuck.” He slipped through the open window, the scent of blood was strong and everywhere. His wolf slamming to the surface. Alpha red eyes scanned the room for anything that could possibly help him figure out what happened. When his eyes fell on a neatly placed piece of paper on the desk his own panic surged.

 

With a clawed hand, Derek picked up the paper and read the typed work.  
Stiles Stilinski.

 

Many would say that Stiles was adventurous, snarky, sarcastic, and an ever moving ball of energy. If you knew here beyond that, you would know that she was fierce, resourceful, smart, and cared deeply for her friends.

 

She was brave, until she wasn’t anymore. She was strong, until she wasn’t anymore. Stiles Stilinski was… well she just was. The only child of Noah Stilinski and Claudia Stilinski, her name that even in death she will not share with anyone but her mother and father. She was unique. 

 

Stiles leaves behind her father, Sheriff Noah Stilinski, and joins her mother Claudia in death. 

 

Derek’s claws threatened to tear through the paper, but he couldn’t. Not if the Sheriff hadn’t seen this yet. He had to though right? Derek couldn’t pinpoint where the body would be, and that pained him. Her scent was everywhere. Embedded everywhere. His loft, Scott, the Preserve, it would take the rest of Derek’s life to forget the smell of Stiles. The smell of heirloom mahogany, soft musk, and something else. It wasn’t a feminine smell, and Stiles wasn’t the definition of feminine, but she was perfect.

 

His control was slipping, feeling his fangs drop. Derek needed to get out of this room before he shredded everything that was a reminder of Stiles. Before he could have a second thought, Derek was running. Deep into the preserve. He wanted to howl, and scream but he couldn’t signal the pack, not yet. Not until he knew everything. 

 

That was the key, he knew nothing. Derek slammed his fists repeatedly into trees, slicing the skin on his knuckles. Refusing to wait until the healed to slam his fits back into the tree. As his rage slowly subsided, Derek felt the need to go back to Stiles’s room. There had to be more information.

 

He found himself sitting on her bed, not really remembering the run back, but that was okay. It still felt like Stiles was here, it felt like the anchor didn’t go away. Derek knew this was denial, he felt it before. Waking up in the mornings after the fire, not remembering his family was gone… until he did. Those few blissful moments. He didn’t want to leave, hoping that any moment Stiles would stumble through that door with a damn good excuse as to why it smelt like blood. Then complain about having a heart attack. The minutes ticked, by but there was no Stiles. Instead of leaving Derek fell asleep breathing in the scent of Stiles.

 

+++++

 

There she was. Stiles was staring at him. He couldn’t believe he found her, and really he was all but too late. Something was wrong. Derek knew that from the start, ever since her and that death trap of a Jeep went missing from his life, his town. Against his better judgement he sprinted through the treeline, heading for where she was standing. Only stopping when the glint of silver caught his eye. Derek watched stunned as Stiles pulled the piece of metal across her wrist. The scent of her blood reaching his nose, Derek’s feet were moving again.

 

It felt like he hit a brick wall. Looking down he found the thin black line of Ash. Stiles was going to kill herself in front of him, and there was nothing he could do to stop her. 

 

“Please… Stiles… break the barrier. Please.” 

 

She didn’t respond, just looking at him with that lost look in her eyes. The same one she had when she left the loft. Derek slammed his fists against the barrier, sending a blinding blue light through the barrier.

 

“Don’t… Stiles you can’t… you can’t die….” 

 

Stiles body slumped to the ground, her eyes fluttering closed. 

 

“Derek…” That wasn’t Stiles’s voice.

 

Derek’s body shot up, gasping. Sucking in air like he had been suffocated. He was still in Stiles’s room, on her bed. When his eyes adjusted he found the Sheriff standing in the doorway to his daughter’s bedroom. 

 

“Sheriff…” his voice broke. He could smell the sadness and worry rolling off of the older man, but he didn’t look utterly broken. 

 

“Hey son.” Noah moved to sit next to Derek on the bed. “I know that things are confusing… but I need you to calm down. Stiles would not be thrilled if her bed was shredded.” 

 

Derek looked down to see his claws extended, pressing against the mattress but not destroying anything. Once his wolf was reined in he froze. Turning, looking at the Sheriff listening for any uptick in his heart. The heart Stiles tries so hard to keep healthy. 

 

“You should probably go see Deaton. I won’t tell you where she is, but I will tell you she is alive.” With a pat on the shoulder, the Sheriff got up and walked to the door. “Oh and that.” He pointed at the paper Derek had read hours before. “That was a school assignment.” With a soft laugh the Sheriff left the room. Leaving Derek to stare at the place he just sat. It was clear that Derek was missing something, and he needed to see Deaton, especially about that dream.

 

++++

 

Deaton wasn’t alone in his office. It wasn’t a surprise, however when Derek turned to walk in the front door, he noticed the closed sign. By the scent he was picking up, it was not pack. Faintly he could smell Stiles. From the hint that the Sheriff gave him, he was sure Stiles had been here before she disappeared.   
The back door was unlocked, and thankfully made little noise when he slipped through it. Listening for the voices of the people in the office. They were a little muffled, but he could hear a man. Someone he didn’t recognize.

 

“I will not be of any service to you. Unfortunately I know little of the situation.” Deaton was stoic, but there was something in his voice Derek didn’t like. 

 

“Oh come on. Someone had to treat the injuries.”

 

From where Derek stood, he could barely see the back of the unknown male, but he could clearly see Deaton, and if he would just look up, Deaton would see him as well. The vet was silent for a while, looking at the place on the exam table where he had his hands braced. Derek could smell the anger.

 

“Ms. Stilinski was in poor shape when she came into my office this evening.” Deaton looked up, seeing Derek but not acknowledging him. “While she did leave here on her own two feet, alone… I do not know where she went.”

 

“Well… I am sure the wolves will lead me to her.” 

 

Deaton seemed humored by this. Standing up straight placing his hands in his slacks. “I wouldn’t count on it. She didn’t want to be found, and surely her concern wasn’t you two.”

 

The information hit Derek hard. She didn’t want to be found, and she wasn’t going to be found by wolves. The men grumbled something, then turned to leave. Derek hid behind a door, letting them pass. When they did he breathed in a smell that should never be associated with them. Stiles.

 

Getting information from Deaton was not longer important. Instead he followed the men until they reached an abandoned warehouse. From what Derek could tell it was empty save for them. Two hunters planning to do what exactly? Take out the Hale pack? Not likely. Everything inside Derek wanted to burst into the building and rip their throats out, but he couldn’t. Something told him he needed to research. He needed to know exactly what they did, and what they wanted.

 

++++

 

Derek was exhausted, but he refused to sleep. Hell he refused to eat, and at this point he didn’t want to leave Stiles’s room. The Sheriff didn’t mind, but he wouldn’t give Derek any information, and Derek wouldn’t push. Honestly, Derek was becoming a recluse in Stiles’s room. Only leaving to take care of his appearance aside from sleep. He wouldn’t even answer his packs messages. They all tried to pry him from the room, but the Sheriff shooed them away. 

 

That was until Argent called. Derek answered. “Yes.”  
“Meet me at my house. See you in 10.” Cut and dry. Derek liked that about him. He was compassionate sometimes but he wasn’t his sister, or his father.

 

Derek left through the front door, locking it behind him. The Sheriff had given him a spare key, there was no point in having a deputy called because Mrs. Fenstermacher saw a older man climbing through his daughter’s window everyday. 

 

10 minutes later, Chris was letting him into the house. The hunter stood at his desk, he was radiating anger. The same anger Derek felt Chris have when Allison died. The wolf approached carefully. 

 

“This… this is not what we do. Hunters don’t do this.” Chris’s gravely voice seemed to spark something in Derek, a renewed energy. Which was quickly squashed when Chris threw photos down onto the table.

 

Derek felt his stomach drop, he was pretty sure it would be between his feet if he looked down. These pictures were of Stiles. His Stiles. Bloody, and beaten. “I don’t know what they came here for, but I know they are not leaving.” 

 

Chris finally looked up at Derek. No doubt seeing a shaking Alpha. “Derek. They came for you.”

 

A laugh was all that Derek could muster. It figured they were after him, the last Hale Alpha. Cora wouldn’t be an Alpha, and Peter… well everyone knew what Peter was like as an Alpha. He would give them what they wanted, a private audience. If he died taking them down it wouldn’t matter because they wouldn’t make it out alive either. 

 

“I know where they are.” Derek’s eyes shifted from the pictures to Chris. “I’m going tonight. They will not make it out alive.” 

 

“I’m coming with you. Stiles was… is like a daughter to me. Using her as a message… I’m going to make sure whoever sent them knows this is not an option.” 

 

This happened because of him. Once again. Everytime he realizes it, it hits him right in the face. Stiles left because of him, Stiles gets hurt because of him, and never once does she give him up to people trying to hurt him. Derek nodded to Chris, leaving the penthouse. This would end tonight.

 

++++

 

The fight was easy. Easier than Derek or Chris expected. Chris took out one of them, but Derek had his eyes on the one they called Leo. He smelt like Stiles, and Derek hated it. No one should have her scent on them. Not this way. 

 

His claws gripped Leo’s throat. Leo was like a limp noodle hanging from Derek’s grip, Derek having broken his arms and legs in the process of getting him here. But just like Stiles whenever she was in this position, his mouth wouldn’t stop running.

 

“I see you got my message. It took you a while. I should have kept her longer.”

 

A snarl tore through Derek’s chest. Chris edged closer, his pistol pointed at Leo’s head. If by a miracle he got through Derek, the man wasn’t going to leave. Derek took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. That was a mistake. 

 

The scent of Stiles rolled off of Leo’s breathe. “What else did you do to her?” His voice calmer than he expected.

 

“Derek.” Chris warned. 

 

Leo let out a laugh. “She tasted sweet, like mint. I won’t lie to you Hale,” his lip curled up in a snarl. “She surely didn’t like it. Sweet Stiles bit me you see, and that was when I was done. But I did get a taste.” 

 

With a calmness that Derek didn’t know he could have in this situation, he laughed. “That’s my girl.” 

 

For the first time since Derek and Chris burst through the doors, Leo showed fear. It was as if he expected to be faced with a blood thirsty Alpha, unable to control his wolf. Instead he got a calm Alpha who was out to kill, but only him. 

 

With the smoothest movement of his wrist Derek snapped the bones in Leo’s neck and watched the light fade from the hunter’s eyes. Unceremoniously, he dropped the body to the floor. Derek thought he would feel better with them dead, but now he just felt hollow.

 

He helped Chris with the bodies, and made his way back to the loft. He hadn’t been there in days, but he didn’t know if he could be in Stiles’s room now. Just sitting with her scent, surrounded by her but not knowing where he could find her. 

 

Derek didn’t know what to do with himself in the darkness of the loft. So he settled for the minimum. Showering, eating what he needed, and sitting in silence. What was the point of living if he didn’t have his mate.

 

++++  
It had been six days since the hunters. Derek sat in the loft. He thought about comparing this feeling to the feeling of losing Laura, losing his Alpha after having already lost all of his family. The problem was he couldn’t muster the blind rage, and the revenge… while sweet, wasn’t enough because Stiles was still out there somewhere. 

 

Members of the pack came by and tried to get Derek out of the loft, even Chris came by. Lydia threatened to get Deaton to come over and examine him if he didn’t say something other than get out. Or I’m fine. The wolf didn’t have the energy to growl, or even feign the attempt to attack them. He felt like he could die right then and there, and it would be better. It would be easier. 

 

Responding to text messages and calls took too much thought, so Derek ignored them. Checking every now and then to see if it was Stiles. It never was. He had almost given up on checking his phone until he saw the Sheriff’s face blink across the screen.

 

“Sheriff…” His voice nervous, tentative. 

 

“Derek. I need you to come to my house.”

 

“Sir..”

 

“No questions Hale. Just do it.” He sounded exasperated, but not only that there was something in his voice. Something Derek couldn’t pinpoint. 

 

As much as he hated getting up and leaving the loft, something was pulling him to do it. When he crossed the threshold of the loft he felt it. The feeling of someone reaching into his chest and tearing out his heart. He couldn’t feel her anymore. 

 

Stiles was gone.


	3. It felt like coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles could feel it. Something was wrong and she was the only one who could fix it.

Honestly, she thought getting away from it all would help or even make her feel better. Instead she felt worse. Her hands shook more often than not, well her hand. While Deaton’s magical goo he gave her had closed the cut on her shoulder, the damage from the dislocated shoulder was still ever present. 

 

Her aunt and uncle gave her weird looks when they picked her up at the airport in Portland but they didn’t ask. Stiles figured that her father had asked them to just leave it. She was thankful that they did, although they probably created some conclusion to her bruises and cuts. Stiles didn’t care, honestly. There was no reason to argue it.

 

Stiles spent most of her time in her room. Laying in her bed. Messages came into her phone here and there. Mainly from her father, some from Chris. On the second day of being in Oregon, Stiles sent the pictures of her injuries to Chris. Someone other than her father and Deaton had to know, just incase they found the pack. The idea of them finding Derek turned her stomach. That was how she came to the decision to tell Chris. After violently throwing up everything she had eaten, she sent the pictures and all the information she had and could remember to Chris. 

 

In the day’s after that she waited. Waited to hear of the eventual outcome of Derek being hunted down and ultimately killed, but it never came. What she did get were texts from her father telling her that Derek hasn’t left the house, he is hunting the hunters. Thinking the way Stiles would think. 

 

If Stiles really sat down and thought about it… which she did because that is all Stiles ever does… Derek was the only one. He made eye contact, he noticed. Sure his tactics of getting Stiles to know he noticed her presence were concerning to some. The wall slamming, the asswolf comments, the occasional throat rippy threat that never had any truth or intent behind it those were ways he showed that he knew she was there. 

 

She had saved his ass time and time again, and god did he try to hard to get her back from the Nogitsune even though she tossed him around like a ragdoll. He turned his back on the Kanima to push her out of it’s path, protected her from Isaac when he was freshly turned. Derek didn’t seem to push her away like the pack did. 

 

He didn’t treat her any differently than he did before the Nogitsune. In fact… now that Stiles has over analyzed this… Derek made her feel normal. It was all she had ever wanted. Aside from him. God this colossal fuck up of a crush she had on him wouldn’t make her think any different. Nope. Never. She thought about texting him, telling him she was okay. That would be a lie though. Stiles was anything but okay. 

 

The injuries were healing, and really the mental anguish she would have felt from the kidnapping was freaking childsplay compared to the Nogitsune. Stiles wasn’t okay because she could feel it in her gut that something was wrong. She couldn’t pinpoint it, and no matter how hard she pushed Chris, or her father they couldn’t give her any information that told her why she felt like this. 

 

++++

 

A little over two weeks into her stay in Oregon, Stiles actually felt compelled to get up and leave the house. Not because her Aunt and Uncle were going anywhere, but because she wanted to. 

 

Stiles stepped out into the rain, walking to her new Jeep. She would never know how to thank the other Deputies and her father for getting her this new baby. It was her dream replacement for Roscoe, but dear god she would never tell her that. The black color was different from her powder blue. God everything about this was different. Sleek black curves as opposed to light sharp edges. This thing was new, 2014 grand cherokee and a SRT8 to boot. It saddened her to think of how she has neglected it for the past few weeks. Not really appreciating it like she did her iconic Roscoe. 

 

Stiles got in the car and drove. Smelling the new leather almost felt like taking her first real deep breath. Cracking a smile, Stiles pulled the Jeep out of the driveway and took her for a spin. The drive was smooth, silent. No loud rumble, or sputtering. The radio even worked, hell it more than worked… Stiles could feel her body move with the soundwaves if she turned it up loud enough. 

 

Without even thinking, Stiles found herself surrounded by trees. Of course that wasn’t anything new when it came to Oregon, or the Pacific Northwest, but it wasn’t just a group of trees. She was in Forest Park. Literally surrounded. It was almost like being back in Beacon Hills, in the preserve. Everytime she saw something move, Stiles assumed it would be Derek. It wasn’t paranoia, it was just the sense of being hyper aware. 

 

If being with the wolves had taught her anything, it was sensory development. Stiles watched as quick movements surrounded her. Nature surrounded her. The worst part was that it was too calm, to docile. That was what set her off. It started with her hands tingling, then the shortness of breath. Ironically the calm was giving Stiles a panic attack. Tears were streaming down her face, vision blurring. The last thing she wanted was to pass out in the park, in her car. Then the phone rang. Startling her. 

 

Sucking in a few deep breathes she answered the phone without looking. “H...hello?”

 

“Stiles?” The gravely voice of Chris Argent met her ears. “Breathe Stiles.” 

 

“I.. I am... “ She took a moment to trying to compose herself. “Sorry… what.. Uhm. What did you need?”

 

“Stiles, it’s Derek.” 

 

Somehow she knew it. She knew something wasn’t right. “Okay.”

 

“He’s… do you remember how you shut down with the nogitsune?” 

 

Of course she did, if she were honest with herself she never opened back up. Stiles nodded, but then remembered she was on the phone and Chris couldn’t see her. “Yes.”

 

“He isn’t responsive, all he ever says is get out or he’s fine.” 

 

Stiles actually huffs out a laugh. “Okay. I’m going to make some arrangements… It will take me a day or so, but I am coming back.”  
They disconnected the line and Stiles sped back to gather her things. Thankfully no one was home, there would be no one to explain to. Having never fully unpacked, it was easy to pull her bags together, it took a little work and a few attempted screams to get them down the stairs and into the Jeep with both hands. But after 30 minutes she was on the freeway.Her father informed Stiles’s Aunt and Uncle that she was coming home, little did he know she was going to break several traffic laws to get there. 

 

During the drive, as she got closer, Stiles could feel it even more. The dread in her stomach at what she was going to find when she got home. The 15 hour drive felt like it was taking centuries. Stiles only stopped for gas, and the occasional burger. Each gas station pit stop was accompanied by a red bull. In reality if she took another Adderall she would be on the line of overdosing and that was the last thing she wanted.

 

At about 7 am Stiles hit the border of Beacon County. Her heart hammering in her chest. She wanted to go to the loft, but it didn’t seem right. Instead she drove to her house. Pulling into the driveway half an hour later. The Sheriff was waiting for her inside. Stiles wished she could have squeezed the her father harder, but this one arm business was not ideal. 

 

“So… tell me…” Stiles sat down at the diner table while Noah sipped his coffee.

 

“Derek went manic for a while, obsessing over what happened. I found him in your room… your obituary assignment was clearly something he found. He had fallen asleep and from what I understand was having a nightmare about you.” 

 

Stiles sucked in a sharp breath. She knew she should have gotten rid of that copy. 

 

“I hinted that you were alive, but then he seemed to piece things together. He hasn’t been here for almost a week. The pack… they said he wouldn’t respond to them. He won’t leave the loft. All they can sense is hopelessness.” 

 

“I never should have left.” Stiles wiped at a tear that threatened to crawl down her cheek. “He needs to come here. You need to call him.” 

 

Noah nodded, picking up his phone and making the call. Stiles excused herself and headed upstairs if this was going to work, she needed to use some of Deaton’s tricks. 

 

++++

 

When Derek arrived at the house, Stiles could hear a dull knock on the door. She looked down at her wrist, the ruine carefully drawn on her wrist would mask her scent and heartbeat until she was ready to reveal it. She stood in the bathroom, waiting. As if on cue, the sound of boots on the stairs reached her ears. They were slow moving, and when Stiles could finally hear Derek his breathing was shaky.   
She watched through the crack in the door as Derek walked into the bedroom. Carefully she tiptoed to the wall space just outside of the door. Derek sat down on the bed, and let out a low whine. A broken whine that Stiles was sure if she ever heard it again it would break her into a thousand pieces. 

 

“I can’t do this anymore.” Derek’s voice was no longer the strong Alpha wolf, he was a broken man. Stiles had done this, and she hated herself for it.

 

With a deep breath she stepped into the room. What she saw had her heart in her throat. Derek was slumped forward, his hands bracing his forehead. He appeared to have been showering, and eating but other than that… he looked lost. Derek exhaled heavily and looked up then he froze. His eyes locked with Stiles’s. They were red, not Alpha red, no they were bloodshot. 

 

“This isn’t real.” His voice was worn down.

 

“It is.” Stiles wiped the ruine from her wrist and watched as Derek flinched at the sound of her heart. 

 

Derek breathed deeply, breathing in the fresh scent of Stiles. “Stiles…” 

 

Before she could keep herself from it, Stiles launched herself into Derek’s lap pulling him into her even though she flinched at the twinge in her shoulder. The wolf let out a small sob, and Stiles pulled away enough to see his face.

 

“Hey. None of that. I’m back. I’m not leaving you again.” 

 

“I killed him. Leo.” Stiles stilled at the name, but she knew. Derek wouldn’t let it happen again. “I should have followed you…”

 

“Sourwolf, stop beating yourself up. I’m okay.”

 

Derek held her tighter, taking the pain from her shoulder. Stiles chanced it, she knew this feeling had to be mutual considering the state Derek was in. She pressed her lips to his. Without a second though Derek was kissing back. It wasn’t hot and fierce like Stiles thought it would be. No… it was gentle and lengthy. Like they were trying to take away each other’s pain and sorrow. To fill a hole in each others chests. 

 

“I’ve been wanting to do that since I held your stupid ass up in the pool.” There Stiles goes again, running her mouth. 

 

Instead of saying anything, Derek settled for kissing Stiles again and holding her tighter. Neither one were going to let the other go. All doubt that Stiles wasn’t pack went right out the window, she was Derek’s. No words were needed to make it clear.


End file.
